Just over a week ago, I had an episode with my lower back. It's never fun, and this one was especially surprising/upsetting since it had been about 9 months since my last major bout of spasms. I'd gotten stronger and more able and was generally feeling like my pre-disc-herniation self. And last weekend with the stress of work, the wedding, and general life on my mind, my only plan was to take things easy. Really! I had planned to spend Saturday sewing, and when I decided to take a little break to move a bit with some yoga, I didn't expect that I'd catch something in my back in exactly the wrong place and wind up with an afternoon visit to the ER.
The past week has been difficult, mostly because I seemed to forget how to be patient with myself. I was used to my routine of running and biking, gardening and cooking, and not being able to stand on my feet for very long was very disheartening. But by Wednesday I was back at work. By Thursday I was able to take a 2 mile walk and was off of all pain meds. By Sunday, I did 4 miles, and cooked a fantastic dinner. But for me it's not about the miles. It's about being able to do the things that I enjoy doing. It's about not letting a little back trouble mean that I've failed at something. It's about learning to recognize the boundaries of my own body and to trust myself enough to both listen to know when I need to spend the day on the couch before I push too far. It's knowing when and how to relax into healing, and when the healing needs to involve copious amounts of sleep, and when it means taking a walk.
All of this is particularly important to me right now as we've officially crossed the two month mark to the wedding. (Hooray!) Planning the wedding has been stressful, as these sorts of events often are, and even though I am completely focused on the goal of marriage, it's pretty impossible to not get caught up in some of the details and aesthetics. But I'm revowing to stick with my goal of just being the happiest that I can possibly be come July 1. Not the slimmest. Not the most organized. Not the best hostess ever. Because while it's an extremely momentous day (and we'll surely be surrounded by so many of our loved ones making their first visit to our hometown), it's not the only day that matters. All of the ones that come after it that will make up our marriage matter just as much.
So I'm going to hold onto the fact that I get to marry a man who held my hand in the hospital, made sure I ate regular meals even though I didn't want to, and bought me a strawberry plant yesterday because he knew that it would fill me with delight. (It did!) I'm going to look forward to getting to see my best friends and family at my shower in a few weeks, and allow myself to let go of any goals of perfection in planning and just settle for being content, happy, and excited.
I know that this is a blog about people who make things, but today I felt the need to share, so thank you for bearing with me. But just to show that I'm not totally ignoring the topic, those are two new sewing projects that I started this weekend using vintage quilt blocks—since I've finished my sister's dress (I'll show it to you soon!). We'll get back to our regularly scheduled content on Wednesday.